Rong Fei is not honored

Chapter 498 "Breakup"

Ji Nai secretly breathed a sigh of relief and reminded himself to be careful not to really piss people off.

"This is your child too, you just... don't want him?"

Kangxi was angry that Ji Nai didn't believe in him, but he was even more angry at himself that he still couldn't make up his mind at this time.

"I didn't, I said I didn't, it's you who suspected me." There was grievance in his voice, but there was no murderous intent.

"Your Majesty said that I doubt you, but what about you? Don't you doubt me?"

Kangxi wanted to say that he didn't, at least not now. In the past, suspicion was the emperor's instinct, but since Ji Nai suffered from heart disease, he began to try hard to restrain this instinct.

Ji Nai spoke very quickly, not giving Kangxi a chance to speak. She said, "I am not talking about imperial power."

Kangxi's eyes showed confusion. If it wasn't imperial power, then why would he be suspicious of Ji Nai?

"I am not from a high family, nor do I have high aspirations. Even my studies were taught by you. I am just a little woman, and my heart cannot hold so many things.

My husband and children have already filled my heart completely, leaving no room for anything else.

Whether you believe it or not, I have to say that I have never dreamed of that position.

So, even if you doubt me, I am not afraid."

What's the difference between Ji Nai's words and a confession? Even if his dignity as an emperor was trampled upon, Kangxi was reluctant to do anything to Ji Nai, and this time he was even more soft-hearted.

He thought that perhaps Ji Nai loved her son too much, and when she suddenly heard that her husband was going to hurt her child, she was upset and said something without thinking.

Kangxi wanted to hold Ji Nai in his arms, comfort her, coax her, and ask her to take care of her health.

But Ji Nai's next words nailed Kangxi to the spot.

"But I cannot accept your suspicion of my feelings for you! You just said that my kindness and gentleness were all for Xiaoliu, which has already proved everything."

Looking at the lover of her two lives, Ji Nai knew from the beginning that unless she pretended to be deaf and dumb like other women and stayed confused all her life, the conflict between her and Kangxi would be irreconcilable.

Although, it is rare for people to be confused.

But how can those who have already woken up continue to deceive themselves?

"Your Majesty, do you know that the night I suffered from the heart attack, I actually didn't sleep at all. I was waiting for your explanation the whole time.

I thought, I had shown it so obviously, and my husband has always cared about me, so how could he not notice my abnormality.

He would have told me, told me everything, but no...

I know you're struggling, but Your Majesty, you weren't the only one who suffered that night."

Ji Nai raised his hands and motioned Kangxi to look. The pair of white and soft lips were still smooth, and Kangxi was very familiar with its touch.

The traces of the tragedy that night had clearly disappeared, but in a trance, Kangxi seemed to still see the blood oozing out, which was Ji Nai's pain.

"...I have already made amends." Kangxi's dry voice clearly revealed his master's guilty conscience and shortness of breath.

"I know, but Your Majesty, I'm afraid! That night taught me a lesson: you are not just my husband, not just the father of Chengrui and the others.

Today, you can give me contraceptive pills for the so-called checks and balances, but tomorrow, will you do something else to me and the child because you have no choice?

Don't say it's impossible! Before I used the contraceptive incense, you probably never thought that one day you wouldn't want me to have our child anymore, right?

I'm afraid, I'm really afraid, afraid that one day you will take action against me and my children for one reason or another."

Kangxi staggered to his feet and then stepped back.

"Are you afraid? Are you afraid of what I will do to you... You, you actually think this of me? Ma Jiajinai, do you have a conscience?"

Ji Nai's voice suddenly rose: "I have it!"

"I have it, but my heart that holds your sincerity has been scarred.

The warning before your wedding to the Queen, the subsequent neglect, Chengrui's poisoning, and the contraceptive incense that suppressed Zhongcui Palace.

All these things, one by one, made me understand that you and I can never be like ordinary couples, loving each other deeply and without regrets.

What a beautiful word, but you can't, and neither can I. There are too many things between us.

Oh, who am I to blame you? Actually, we all understand the truth.

This is not just any one person's fault, it's because you have too many things in your mind: the Qing Dynasty, the attitude of the Empress Dowager, the power of court officials, and other wives, concubines and children.

It is impossible for me to pretend that I know nothing. My heart is completely placed on you.

Just like you doubt my sincerity towards you, I no longer dare to fully believe in your feelings for me. I am not single, I have a child, I can't afford to lose!

As a mother, I have to think about my children."

Kangxi looked at Ji Nai coldly. Even though he was sad in his heart, he refused to bow his head and give in. As an emperor, it was impossible for him to bow down and compromise for the other party again and again.

"You should learn from Hesheli!"

Ji Nai laughed so hard that tears came out.

"Your Majesty, this is the chasm between us that can never be bridged.

Even if you know what the problem is between us, your first reaction will not be to think about how to solve it.

The first thing you think about must be the Qing Dynasty and your own power, and what you care about most is always your imperial dignity.

Your past promises and comforts were only because you wanted to, just like you said that you would protect me as long as I never changed.

But once the relationship breaks out, you are still the almighty emperor who can turn against me mercilessly and sentence me to death coldly.

And I, even though I was held in your palm just a moment ago, can only wait for the final outcome now."

"Since you know that a single word from me can either elevate you to heaven or send you plummeting to hell, why do you have to speak your mind?

Ma Jiajinai, your acting is very good. You deceived me. Even before this moment, I thought we were... Since you deceived me, why don't you keep deceiving me?"

Just for that child?

Is it because he wants to abandon the child that Ji Nai doesn't want to endure it anymore, or is it because she doesn't need to pretend to be nice to him anymore, even if it means she falls out of favor?

“Because my heart is not made of stone.

I love you, but I also hate you, resent you, and fear you. Do you think I won't be sad if I act in front of you?

You are clearly my lover, but since when did we get to the point where I need to put on an act in front of you?

Seeing you sad, wronged, and cautious, doesn't it hurt me? But what can I do? On one side is my lover who may change his heart at any time, and on the other side is my child who needs my protection. What can I choose?

"So, I have become the one you abandoned?"

"You are the emperor. Even if you are not sincere, you still have supreme power and the ability to protect yourself."

Having said that, Kangxi was well aware of what Ji Nai meant.

The root cause was that his lover didn't believe in herself, she didn't believe that he would love her forever, she didn't believe that he would never turn the knife against them and their son, so she wanted to take back her true feelings, she wanted to regard herself as an emperor, not a lover.

"Actually, you can keep lying to me. Once your son takes my place, you won't have to be afraid anymore."

Kangxi felt that he was crazy. Until this moment, he still hated Ji Nai for not giving her true heart to him, and still wondered why she couldn't keep lying to him.

"Continue to lie to me, and you will have more opportunities to plan for your son."

But she didn't. She would rather break up with herself because of the piece of meat in her belly? Was she so worried that she would get rid of the child without caring about anything?

"No, Your Majesty, all I want is the safety of my children.

I have never dreamed of that position. Even if, as you said, power can alleviate worries, I have never thought of letting my child take that position."

"Why? Because of Chengrui's health, or because of Saiyi Chahun's position? But you have other children, Yinhua and Yinfu are both fine..."

As for the one in Ji Nai's belly, don't even think about it, even if he is a healthy and outstanding prince.

Ji Nai climbed up from the bed and knelt down. Kangxi moved his body, but in the end he did not help Ji Nai up.